densy

I realize I haven’t blogged here for a LONG time, but my weight-loss progress has been quite slow for a long time.  I also started a personal blog that has consumed my blogging time because my girlies started Kindergarten this year and I’m trying to keep all of our family and friends updated on what’s going on with all of us.  Anyway…

 Big news for me today - I have lost 65 pounds!  :)  Yea!  It feels good, to say the least.  I’ve only got about 3 pounds left until I hit my actual goal weight, and that doesn’t even seem possible.  Maybe I’ll go for five just so I can hit that 70 pound mark.  I’ll just wait and see.  For now I’m just going to be proud of myself.  It’s been a journey that has taught me so much and one that I will never change.  I am a different person now.  I know how to eat for energy and health instead of to relieve anxiety, fear, boredom, etc.  I’ve changed in a lot of ways, but I’m also the same in a lot of ways.  I’m still the worthwhile person I was before, I’m just not covered up in quite so much fluff.  Life is good!

Okay, so I’ve been on this plateau since January.  While I think my body is pretty content at this point, I do take responsibility for not pushing myself to break through it until now.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it, however, because with sick kids, their sick mama and all the stress that those things entail on top of it being Winter for what seemed like forever this year, I just couldn’t devote all the attention necessary to breaking through.   Now that Spring has arrived for good I am back to work.  I have begun journaling my food again and have continued keeping track of my activities/exercise on the President’s Challenge website.  That has been an incentive to stay active for me.  I realize that the number on the scale isn’t the “important” thing, but I’d like to drop about 10 more pounds if my body will allow it.  My primary goal at this point is to just tone up my body.  I’m relatively content, although there are a few areas I’d like to lose a little excess “fluff” if at all possible.  Long story short:  I’m back to work. 

From the time Danny Manning played on the National Championship team of 1988 I have been a Jayhawk fan, so today is a sweet day here!  My husband, however, is very anti-KU since he cheers for only K-State (and whatever team KU is playing at any given time).  It causes a few arguments around here! :)  Because of the big win last night I woke up this morning with a little extra energy.  It would have been a lot of extra energy had I not had to stay up to watch all the post-game fun!  Oh well…it was so worth it!  While I haven’t accomplished anything yet this morning beyond getting the kiddos up and fed, I have big plans for the day.  If I write it on here I’ll hold myself accountable for accomplishing everything!  So, today I am going to do 50 minutes of Yoga (I’d do more vigorous exercise but have been sleeping on the living room floor with sick kids so I have a SORE back) on top of my daily household chores.   I am going to clean out the drawers of the large dresser in #2 & #3’s room so we can begin the process of moving in #1’s bed.  (I realize this isn’t weight loss related, but again, if I write it here, I have to do it!)  I am going to eat appropriate foods and avoid those things that I shouldn’t be eating.  Even better, I commit to working out for the next 4 days (provided nobody else ends up getting sick).  I want to tone up before Summer arrives, although as slowly as Spring is choosing to arrive I might have awhile.  I am going to be ready to wear a swimsuit this year (with no t-shirt over the top) for the first time since in 11 years.  That will be success as far as I’m concerned.  I’ve got a lot to accomplish today!  Have a great day!  Oh, and Rock Chalk, Jayhawk! 

I actually have this written on my main blog, but knew it needed to go here as well, this being where my weight-loss journey is fought.  Sometimes a little humor helps me see myself a little more clearly!

I did work out this morning. Granted, I didn’t complete the workout, but I did 30 minutes of vigorous exercise. Please hold your applause. I’ve been at a comfortable plateau since late December/early January. I’d like to lose roughly another 10 pounds (maybe - I don’t want to look like one of those giant lollipops you buy at Disney World - you know, the big head, little legs/body syndrome) but am thrilled that I have lost 60 pounds of excess blubber and am healthier, happier and hopefully wiser. I have found that I am now one of those annoying people who is cold all the time. I’m also one of those annoying people who sometimes just forgets to eat. When I was fat I didn’t understand how it was possible to forget to eat. In fact, my exact response to that was, “You’d have to be ten kinds of stupid to forget to eat.” I now see that I was ten kinds of stupid to live my life like that. So, now that I recognize the problem, I’ll count them out.

Okay, so I can only come up with 8 concrete kinds of stupid that I was. Just pretend I said something about being eight kinds of stupid instead of ten. The fact is, I have changed a lot of things since January 2007. My confidence has improved and will continue to do so as long as I remain true to myself and hold myself accountable for my eating and exercise. I’m not going to be fat again. I’m not going to be weak again. I’m not going to be eight kinds of stupid again. Well, maybe I will, but not those particular eight.

Although my blog (or lack of) has seemed to indicate that I have officially fallen off the face of the earth, I really haven’t.  We have been sick, yet again, and nothing beyond the absolutely necessary stuff gets done when we’re sick.  I haven’t exercised much (like 2 times last week) and haven’t done a phenomenal job of eating the things I should be eating, but I  have maintained my loss.  I haven’t pushed through the plateau yet, but I fully intend to accomplish that feat when Spring finally arrives and I can get outside and run around for hours on end.  Surely by that point I’ll be back to normal health-wise as well.  It’s something to look forward to, I think!

Now, as for the title of this entry, I’ve got some explaining to do.  This week, provided my kiddos are healthy enough for me to leave them with my parents for a couple days, I have an event to attend where I will get to show off my weight loss.  As a stay at home mom I am rarely dressed in anything different than jeans and t-shirts/sweatshirts.  The banquet we are to attend on Thursday night requires a formal (which I have) and I really hope I get to wear it.  It’s is absolutely beautiful and quite a change from my normal attire!  I honestly feel “hot” in it, and that’s a real change from where I was just a year ago.  It’s not just this event, though.  I am ready to dress like a girl!  I want to look feminine again.  I don’t need to hide my body anymore.  I want to show off my curves.  I want to wear dresses once in awhile just because I can.  I look forward to this summer as I plan to be toned enough to wear sleeveless dresses when on vacation or any other time I want.  I’m ready to show off my progress.  I’m ready to achieve my goal and then maintain forever.  I’m ready to show the world what I have and can accomplish when I put my mind to it.  Now, if I can just keep everybody healthy for awhile so I can work on it! 

Usually I love Mondays.  Usually.  We had a nice weekend of warm temperatures that was ruined last night by a cold wind, 30-degree temperature drop and rain.  Today, with the weather change, we’re again stuck in the house.  One of my angels is driving me up the wall (and down the other side, for that matter) today and I’m trying to remain calm and happy!  Thank goodness for yoga!  Today was definitely a yoga day!

 Now, on to plateaus.  Can I tell you how much I hate them?!  I realize I should be thrilled that I have been stuck at this weight for almost two months and haven’t gained, but I want so badly to break through!  I’m mixing up my exercise.  Granted, I could do better with my eating, so I guess I need to get tough on myself there.  I have made great strides with my fiber intake in the past few months and that’s something else of which I can be proud.  I’m really looking forward to Spring/Summer when I can get fresh vegetables.  I think that will make a HUGE difference in my eating.  There’s just something wonderful about fresh vegetables. 

I’ll stick with it.  I won’t give up now.  I’m only 7 pounds away from my dream weight (I think!) and I WILL get there!  I am worth it! 

Happy Monday!  I found a new favorite snack this weekend and I wanted to share!  I bought Fiber One Caramel Delight cereal with the idea that I would have it in place of my All Bran Bran Buds once in awhile.  I’ve been trying to increase the fiber in my diet and this was just another attempt at accomplishing that.  Well, let me tell you, this new cereal is going to become my mid-afternoon snack!  In fact, I ended up eating it dry this morning in place of my regular cereal breakfast.  It satisfied my sweet tooth, gave me 9 grams of fiber and filled me up!  That, in my books, makes it a great snack for me!  My other new love, although not food related, is yoga.  I bought a beginner’s workout that is 51 minutes long that does amazing things for this stressed-out mom.  I have a Denise Austin yoga video, but I’ve always sort of despised it.  Maybe it’s that I just have a hard time tolerating her perkiness, and she tends to move on to a new move before she tells me about it, which I hate!  Anyway, the new DVD is fantastic!  I have been alternating days of yoga and my Kathy Smith interval training DVD and am feeling strong.  I will break through this plateau!  I will, I will!  I want to be able to wear a swimsuit this summer and not cover it up with a big t-shirt! 

I should start by saying I don’t handle stress well.  Also, I tend to stress over EVERYTHING and beat myself up for things I have no control over.  I’ve always been hard on myself, but I often hold myself responsible for things that I’m really not responsible for.  It’s a long story…  My girls were born 7 weeks early and by all rights should have been relatively healthy.  Two of them, however had a lot of health problems and that has left a lasting scar on me.  They were so sick for so long, and I have always wanted to do everything possible to keep them healthy, so anytime anybody gets even a cold I go into panic mode.  I know, colds happen.  I honestly believe there’s some degree of post-traumatic stress after having 3 kids in the hospital for 1-4 months and struggling with many “what if she doesn’t make it?” thoughts during that time.  To make a long story short, we’re (so far only one, but that will change soon) sick again and I’m not ready to handle it.  I’m finally just getting back to normal after the last sickness.  I’m a chronic worrier.  I hate it when they’re all sick because I don’t feel like I can take care of everybody to the degree they need.  This even sounds ridiculous to me as I read it, but it’s the way I feel.  I just want to cry.  That, and I’m going between wanting to eat to feel better and wanting to avoid food altogether due to stress and I know neither is the answer.   Maybe this is just God’s way of showing me that I can handle the whole emotional eating thing even when I’m stressed out.  I have to handle it.  I can handle it, right?

I have struggled for the last month.  Three weeks of being sick and then the last week of PMS has been rough, but I am back and ready to fight!  It’s not so much about the weight I want to lose at this point.  I want to be toned.  I want to be strong, both physically and emotionally.  I’m sure that for me it’s going to be a life-long struggle to remain that way, but I’m up for it now.  I really believe that the majority of my weight issues have revolved more around my brain than my mouth.  I won’t have trouble conquering the weight when I conquer all the emotional/mental issues that “make” me eat.  Anyway, I’m up for the challenge now!

I’ve worked out this morning for 50 minutes to my favorite “I-only-do-it-when-I’m-feeling-strong” workout.  I’ve got big plans to cook up a pot of Unfried Refried Beans today to use on a low-fat Mexican pizza.  It’s something we all enjoy and is pretty healthy for as good as it tastes.  I love to use the beans on that as well as in burritos, quesadillas, etc.  They are totally healthy and a good way to get my kiddos to eat beans!  Of course Mondays always bring lots of laundry, cleaning, etc.  I actually love it because we get back to normal after the weekend of having my husband home.  I can accomplish so many things on Mondays!  Bring on the week-I’m ready for it!

Okay, so I’ve made progress in conquering the evils of emotional and/or boredom eating.  I can find other things to do when those urges strike.  Granted, the thought still creeps up into the back of my mind, but I can usually avoid most of it.  PMS, however, still gets the best of me.  I despise it.  I cannot seem to overcome the PMS over-eating urge no matter how hard I try.  Any suggestions?! 

On to better topics…  I have gotten back to full-strength workouts for the past few days and am feeling much stronger!  It’s amazing to me how much better I feel when I am able to exercise and push myself to finish those difficult workouts.  I’m proud of my progress.  There’s nothing better than waking up feeling a few muscles that were needing a little prodding along!  Today, I feel those muscles in my chest that struggled yesterday with lots (for me) of push-ups.  It’s a good feeling to know that I’m strengthening those muscles!  Yea, me!