densy

I’m teetering on the edge of emotional eating and have been for the past couple days.  I’d like to say that I’ve been strong, but I haven’t.  The reason?  It’s sort of a long story.  I come from a long line of worriers.  We struggled with infertility before being blessed with our girls, which has contributed to me being so totally wrapped up in being their mama.  The only thing I knew for sure for my entire life was that I wanted to be a mom.  I have been so lucky to have been given that opportunity, especially after having to face the facts that it might never happen.  Two of our daughters had some pretty significant health problems during their first few years.  They were on oxygen for the first year (along with apnea monitors at night) and had feeding tubes until last year.  Last year was the first time we had no medical issues and were able to do normal things whenever we wanted.  Tomorrow is their kindergarten round-up.  I’m not ready.  I just finally got kids who don’t need any doctor-duty from their mom, and I’m not ready to give that up.  I know, I know.  It’s time, and I’m trying to work past my fears.  I really am.  I just don’t know what will become of me when I’m no longer having to do things as the mom 24 hours a day.  This is the one thing I know I can do well.  This is the one thing at which I know I’m successful.  I’m scared.  I’m scared for me.  I’m scared for them.  So, of course, I’m leaning toward eating.  Before I eat, though, I’m headed to exercise.  Maybe those endorphins will kick in!  I just need a little reassurance and some compassion because my husband just does not get it.  I need someone to understand, and yet I also feel like I need to be strong.  I can’t let my daughters see me being scared about it, because I don’t want them to be scared.  Thanks for listening - I needed it…