densy

I should start by saying I don’t handle stress well.  Also, I tend to stress over EVERYTHING and beat myself up for things I have no control over.  I’ve always been hard on myself, but I often hold myself responsible for things that I’m really not responsible for.  It’s a long story…  My girls were born 7 weeks early and by all rights should have been relatively healthy.  Two of them, however had a lot of health problems and that has left a lasting scar on me.  They were so sick for so long, and I have always wanted to do everything possible to keep them healthy, so anytime anybody gets even a cold I go into panic mode.  I know, colds happen.  I honestly believe there’s some degree of post-traumatic stress after having 3 kids in the hospital for 1-4 months and struggling with many “what if she doesn’t make it?” thoughts during that time.  To make a long story short, we’re (so far only one, but that will change soon) sick again and I’m not ready to handle it.  I’m finally just getting back to normal after the last sickness.  I’m a chronic worrier.  I hate it when they’re all sick because I don’t feel like I can take care of everybody to the degree they need.  This even sounds ridiculous to me as I read it, but it’s the way I feel.  I just want to cry.  That, and I’m going between wanting to eat to feel better and wanting to avoid food altogether due to stress and I know neither is the answer.   Maybe this is just God’s way of showing me that I can handle the whole emotional eating thing even when I’m stressed out.  I have to handle it.  I can handle it, right?